He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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