Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
