I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
