So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize