Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
