Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
