In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is Oprah even human
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
