I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
