you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
