Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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