That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
