Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
