Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
