Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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