he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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