there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
