Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
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I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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