listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize