fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Found the puke drawer
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
