So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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