I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
