her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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