So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
