im holly from the hills drunk
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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