Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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