in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
