Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
