she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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