one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
