So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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