You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
