I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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