LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
why do cheetos always look like penises
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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