Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
