Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
