I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
