just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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