Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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