dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
