FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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