I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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