none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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