It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
