Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
