There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
that's an acceptable place to lick
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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