3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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