Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
