me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
