last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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