I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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