Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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