Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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