oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I am available for nakedness
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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