Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
