the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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