with your own penis?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
