You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
