first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
