Umm I'm too high to move.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
