So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
