I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
