Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
