It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
