I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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