I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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