Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
