I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
