I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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