Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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