so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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