Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
false alarm, still single
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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