I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The Olympian is in my bed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
