Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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