From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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