Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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