talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
