This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
vagina is talking i cant
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
