i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I didn't notice because vodka
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
