my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
