i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
